I'm not even going to sugar-coat it....today was probably the loneliest day of the year for me. Besides chatting with the Mom's at my last-first-day-of-preschool-drop-off this morning, I don't think I had a single conversation with another adult today. I managed to bumble around a grocery store, look at a bunch of crap at Goodwill and then wander around the obvious preschool Mom hangout: Target. If anything, I wasn't going to go home to an empty house. I was supposed to be enjoying my "freedom", but instead I felt a little bored that I didn't really have anything cool to do.
Right now my husband is over a thousand miles away, my daughters are ignoring and avoiding me, and my two boys cannot seem to hear me no matter how many times or how loud I say things...then they both just think it's funny to just laugh at me if I yell. That's why I decided to just send them outside to the trampoline...maybe a quiet house isn't so bad after all.
Facebook is becoming a huge source of insecurity for me as well. Why is it that I care if anyone comments on my status? And why did I check it 6 times today?
The excessive heat warning today didn't keep me from going outside. I needed to find something else productive to do besides cook or clean or organize, so I decided to do some yardwork for a few hours....atleast that felt good. My neighbors probably think I'm a freak, but there is something about a leaf blower that is extremely calming for me. That, and country music in the background.
It's probably a big waste of energy to let myself feel this frustrated. Some days, it just feels exhausting to take care of everyone else. Are Mom's allowed to admit that?...
Maybe only when they're venting through their blog.
I'll probably delete this post tommorrow.
grr.
Debbie Downer Day
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2 comments:
Love you Kate! Even if I am one of the 4 people that read it...I like to read about you and your families life. So keep on writing! BTW I'm just a phone call away if you ever feel that way just call me. I don't do a lot during the day either! Wish you could come here and help organize my office!
Oh Kate:) I am proud to be one of the four! I like your posts. They are funny and real and inspiring. It must be tough havving your man gone and under such crappy circumstances:( Praying for you today.
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