Vida. Risa. Amor.

What if I took a "day off" of housework?

What if I didn't wash the dishes tommorrow? What if I just let everything in my kitchen land where it falls and just leave it there? What if I left the box of cheerios that was spilled on the carpet? What if I left the clothes in the washing machine for a few days without throwing them in the dryer? What if I let the laundry pile up? What if I let the weeds actually grow in the yard? What if...

Though I want to try let everything go, atleast just for a day...a part of me is scared to find out that no one will actually care or miss that I mainly take care of these things for them. I guess we all crave recognition and appreciation. I also worry that I'm too much of a clean freak to let 20 minutes pass without wanting to straighten things out...maybe that's even scarier.

A major concern has been brought to my attention...and it worries me a little: Am I really a better person for keeping things clean?
Does it really matter?

I enjoy taking care of our home for my family, but I'm worried I've allowed it to define me. I've filled out so many forms in the past year at doctors offices and schools and the part still confuses me when I write "stay-at-home-mom" for mother's occupation. Of course there's a thousand ways to define this "job", and I've found it to be a privelage...but I think there have been days where I've buried myself in busy housework so that I don't have to think too long on the reality that some parts of being a "stay-at-home-mom" is just, well, boring.

I've been so busy making sure everyone else is okay and keeping the house clean that a lot of time has passed to the point where I know I haven't put a lot of thought into what my dreams are or were. I thought I knew. This might be why I need to get out and run 8 miles every week...I guess I'd prefer be fit and confused instead of fat and confused! It's hard to have your kids look to you for answers when there's a lot of unanswered questions I have for myself. I think it's okay to say and admit "I don't know" sometimes, but when I'm telling them they can do or be whatever they put their heart into, then why don't I?

My heart is my family & home right now. La ama de mi casa. Maybe someday there will be something else. I suppose these are the parts of my life that God is reminding me that I need Him. If I had my life figured out and knew for a fact that everything I was doing was exactly what I was meant to be doing, then I guess I would start to think I wouldn't need Him much. A favorite verse I fall back on often is in Proverbs 3: 5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.

So maybe it's okay to like to straighten things...because God sure wants to make my paths straight...and I'm sure I'll always need a lot of straightening out!