Vida. Risa. Amor.

So I just took down half of the Christmas decorations, and I'll admit I have mixed feelings about how "empty" my home feels when it all gets tucked away.  I did leave the tree up, (though the ornaments are off), and the garland above the TV with the white lights wrapped around it because I can't imagine celebrating New Years with my kids without a little sparkle in the background.  I love my little tree in the kitchen, and I don't think I want to put it away at all...the red bows are off and I wrapped a beaded snowflake garland wrapped around it....all ready for January.

I also decided this was the week to say good-bye to my "grape-themed" kitchen.  Sometimes I don't "see things" until I just see them.  The fake grape-vine arrangements above my cabinets were literally caked in dust and a few random items up there were embarrassingly dated.  I really don't think my kitchen has ever known another theme.  When it comes to decorating, I'm a big fan of using what you have, and trying to "finish" a room all in one day makes things feel staged & cold...it takes time to build a personality in a home.  I also have found that a "one color" theme doesn't work for me either; I like variety, and I'm finally giving myself permission to just go with that.  So now, with a little arranging, some cheap deals at Big Lots, everything just looks clean, sparkly, & fresh.  (The best improvement was the stainless steel garbage can....I can finally feel we are moving up in the world.)

This week brought Arizona some snow and I love that I can see some dusted on top of the mountains nearby.  I'm trying to bring myself to have a positive outlook on to the new year for 2011, but I feel that if January was a day of the week, it would be a Monday.  Back to school, back to routine; cold, gray skies.  Holidays over.  Also:  time to lose the chub.  ugh.

But what I do like about January is that it feels like a new start.  Though the holidays this year had some great family moments, I will sadly admit there's been a bunch of garbage going on in my marriage.  Nothing unfixable...just a bunch of junk that should go.  We have been together for 14 years, 7 years in Illinois, and 7 here in Arizona.  I've heard it said in marriage that your spouse is the one person you love the most, and is also the one person you hate most.  Hate is a strong word for me, but it's not too far from the truth.  I vowed to live the rest of my life with this man, and so it will go better for us if we were better at loving each other instead.  So in the spirit of making new years resolutions, it is my hope that I would keep these words at the top of my mind and heart and marriage all year long:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. 

January is a new start.  A reset button. 
A cleaned-out kitchen:  sparkly and fresh.

My facebook statement of the day:  "Kate Stamm Palacios is so excited all of you are enjoying your Christmas parties...but feel free to invite me next time!...Just kidding.  Kind of."

At first I felt pretty witty with this statement, but after 5 minutes I'm starting to feel like that was a lame thing to say.  But seriously...one bad feature of facebook is that you can see 5 statements from people you know and you realize you haven't been invited to their get together.  I felt like a 10 year old not invited to the "cool kid's" party when I went to my home page this morning. Seriously.  Well that was my start to this day.

Oh well.  I cranked out 4 miles instead and decided to get over it.

Today's only the first day of break and the kids have watched Despicable Me, and have entertained themselves for hours with the cousins in the backyard.  I love listening to them play.  I think they are secret agents right now.

And for the most part we're pretty organized with presents and it's nice to just have lazy little afternoons like this and not feel rushed.  I have a lot on my "To Don't" list for this break.

I won't write out another boring list, but I will say that my #1 thing I won't be doing, is stressing. 

I think I see some smores and fires in tonight's future....and another movie.

I have a friend that forwarded this to me recently and it really touched and convicted me. 

I am The Mother.
I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the home.
It is my approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
I possess tremendous power to make my families life miserable or joyous.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis wil be
escalated or de-escalated....
and a person humanized or dehumanized.

With the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, errands, games & practice schedules, and the day-to-day busyness of life, I notice my moods can go up and down with my energy levels. 

"Tis the season to be jolly" isn't always a reality, but it can definately be a choice.  I want my kids to remember that our home was a safe place to "just be"...and that Mom wasn't always in a bad mood.

My life feels busy, but I love my kids, and want to make sure they know I like them too.

So I finally finished my Christmas cards this week.  When I saw that it was December 6th and realized that task hadn't even crossed my mind, I sort of panicked and forced myself make the dreaded stop to a Target photo machine.  For some reason the "choosing" of the card stresses me out and makes me break out in a sweat...(First of all, because I'm picky about how I want my cards to look, and 2nd, because there's always someone 2 1/2 feet behind you staring at the back of your head hoping you'll hurry up)... ugh.  And then there's only about 20 card options to choose from, the downloading of THE family picture, the zooming, the editing, and all the minutes wasted on how to creatively rephrase the typical "Wishing you all a Merry Christmas", from the blah, blah, blahs...

In years past, I would just print off a picture and made sure to include a "family newsletter".  I think I even printed off our family pictures on my printer one year.  On regular paper.  And my face looked pink.  I know because I have one of them in an ornament from 2000.  Anyway, since it was before my blogging days, I can remember spending hours trying to make each line rhyme and make our lives sound as fascinating as possible.   I imagined that I was putting a little smile on everyone's face that I sent our cards to when they read that " we love the Arizona sun", and "miss you all, each and every one"... 

I am cringing just thinking about it.  It's almost as bad as when I thought it was cool to sponge splotches of white on the kitchen cabinets I painted pink in my basement in 1997.  And flower patterned stencils on top of that.  Really.  What was I thinking??

I like newsletters, (just not the 3 page kind).  I even like reading a few sentences...(handwritten is a bonus).  And I'll even be happy with just a family picture.  But please...oh please...one of my biggest "pet-peeves" is opening a store bought card with just "Merry Christmas, Love, so-and-so".  Thanks for the thought, but for some reason that just doesn't seem meaningful to me.  I like to know what's new with people I haven't heard from in a while, and I especially love to see pictures.   And even though facebook and blogs make it so much easier to stay connected and updated on what's happening with friends, I still appreciate the printed out picture to tape up to my fridge!

(On a huge side note, I'd like to point out that my oldest daughter decided that if we someday have a pet we are to name him "Peeve" since I am very famous for having Pet peeves)...I shall blog about that someday perhaps...

So anyways, I re-analyzed my pile of cards this year.  I usually send out about 40, and usually recieve less than 20.  I also didn't realize stamps are over 40 cents now.  The thrifty nerd that I am, I decided to hand deliver a "few" of the ones to my neighbors and families I see on a regular basis anyway.  I am now stressing if that was tacky or not.  Oh well...I saved all of $5. 

Now I'm wondering if I should go back around and back them all cookies.  I need to figure out how to erase the "neighbor who is too cheap for stamps status". 

Note to self:  just buy the stamps.

Well then.  Here's us the photo I chose for the official "Palacios Family 2010 Christmas Card".  I should have spent a couple extra minutes adjusting the text on the cards before I printed since it almost looks like  it says "Vishing you all a Merry Christmas".  Nice.  It has a bit of German ring to it....right above the "Feliz Navidad 2010". 

Atleast I think I got the picture right...thanks to my awesome sister who took our family's photo's this year.  (Kreatid.com!!)  She knows how to make us all look good even at an abandoned dairy farm.

And here's the mini rhyme I didn't glue to the back of the cards this year:

When I was little I used to have a huge fear of tornados and volcanos.  I was convinced that the neighborhood was going to one day drown in hot piles of firey-lava or get swept away in a twister.  And, it just so happened that on my 10th birthday our home had a close call with a severe thunderstorm and my family had to take cover in our laundry room while a giant tree was knocked down in the street nearby.  I can remember clutching my knees for dear life and shivering in fear while hoping the storm sirens would stop as the hail and wind pounded our house.  Waiting out that storm was probably one of the scariest moments of my life.

But I'll admit I have a part of me that is still scared to death about things that are out of my control.  And one thing that scares me more than tornado's and volcano's is watching any of my kids struggle to breathe.

Tonight I am spending the night in a children's hospital with Aydan, my 7 year old, as we wait out a few rounds of breathing treatments for his asthma that flared up in the middle of the night yesterday.  This isn't our first experience watching him wheeze, cough, and clench his chest muscles so hard to draw air...and though I'm familiar with the drill of necessary steroids and medications that help to open up his lungs, it worries me when he still struggles to breathe.  What's new this time is that he was actually admitted for an overnight stay here at the hospital, but I can't complain too much since this is a brand new facility and he has his own room with an adjustable bed and one pullout for me, a bathroom/shower, internet access, and movies.  He definately is liking video games in bed.

Of course I wish I could just click my ruby slippers and whisk us both away from here...because there really is "just no place like home"...but it's usually just a big waiting game with asthma.  This time I hope and pray God calms both the storm and his child...but for now we just have to wait.

I'm watching him sleep.  and breathe.  He has the longest most adorable eyelashes.  I love that he still loves to sleep with his little bunny...(that he was given on an Easter Sunday in a hospital 4 years ago when we found out he had a broken leg). 

He's such a good patient.  I just heard a nurse say he is way too cute.
...get better soon, my sweet boy. 
Love you forever.