Vida. Risa. Amor.

"Runaway Train"...never goin back.., (by Tom Petty), was the song that was playing in my shiny red car the day I drove away from home when I left for college.  The rain and my tears were both pouring out in buckets that gray day back in January of 1993, but I was determined that it was a road I needed to travel alone.  (Judson college was only a 28 minute drive away, but for an 18 year old that never left home, it felt like I was relocating to the other side of the country).  I do remember that my parents lovingly offered to help me get settled in, but I stubbornly refused because I was determined to face the biggest milestone of my life:  independence.

Before I transfered to Judson, I was taking courses at a community college to become an executive secretary...which I did very well at & enjoyed.  At the time, I misunderstood the importance of earning an actual education or degree & transferred from that community college to a 4 year private school in hopes to live "the college experience".  I was basically known at Judson as another "transfer student" until I made new friends after joining the girls softball team, (even though we didn't win a single game).  A better scholarship offer came the summer after Judson, and the savings was a no brainer, so I decided to transfer again to Liberty University in Virginia, (which was literally the other side of the country this time).  I completed one year and possibly 2 1/2 months when I realized my camping weekends were turning into camping weeks and that college wasn't really something I was committed to anymore.

To this day I am still a little confused as to what I hoped to accomplish with my "college" days.  I remember the day I flippantly walked away from what was most likely the best scholarship offer available.  I remember those camping days with friends as some of the most adventurous days of my life.  I remember heartbreak, being broke, Jimi Hendrix, ramen noodles, and my awesome blue truck.

I remember that leaving college brought me right back to my best friend....and we've been together ever since.

I am thinking back on those days a lot lately, mostly because as of August 10th, all 4 of my children will be in school full time.  (No, I will not be listening to any Tom Petty songs or anything that has to do with saying "goodbye" or "letting go").  One will be in highschool, one in jr. high, one in 3rd grade, and one more last-first-time-kindergardener.  (I have seriously stocked up on tissues).

So yeah, I have a lot of regrets of choices I have made in my past, but I also realize part of life is learning from those mistakes.  I did actually complete 2 & 1/4 years of college, though an actual Bachelors degree would come in handy about now...(I have thoughts to revisit that option soon).

My "resume" reads that I am always going to be on duty 24/7, but this is a new season where I realize I am mostly needed from 6:15am to 8:15am, and from 3:15pm to practices to bedtime and weekends. So yeah, that's still a lot of time that I'm "needed", but I realize that I have a huge 6 - 7 hour time gap from 8:16 am to 3:14 pm, Monday through Friday, that I seriously need to figure out what to do with myself.

I might take some of my friends advice and cut myself some slack and just go ahead and enjoy the freedom a little.  But I'm not sure I will be home as much during those hours, the silence might scare me...otherwise the radio will be blasting.

Milestones have a funny way of sneaking up...ready or not, and I needed to hear these words that I recently read from a friend's post on facebook today: