Vida. Risa. Amor.

Luke 15:10:  In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of angels of God over one sinner who repents.

After I was done praying with Aydan tonight, I got to tell him that angels were having a party singing in heaven just for him...because today, April 21, 2011, he decided to ask Jesus into his heart. 

Explaining the story of Easter and who God is in a way my kids can understand hasn't exactly been easy.  Just like I did, they have so many questions...Who is Jesus?  Who is God?  Why can't we see them?  Why is there a bad guy named Satan?  Why did Jesus have to die on the cross?  Are we going to die like Jesus?  So Jesus defeats the bad guy named Satan?  How?  What does it mean he wants to live in my heart?  If he's alive where is he?  How do we get to heaven....no really, how exactly?  Where is heaven?   Did God really make everything?  Does God really love me?  Why do we need to be saved?  What do we need to be saved from? 

I'll admit I don't know how to eloquently answer all these questions, and when I can't, I do my best to try to search for answers in God's word.  What I do hope, is that each of my kids will come to understand that God loves them more than their own mother could....that He would lay down his life on a cross for them...and that He Lives.  And that they would choose to believe in Him.

I am thankful to God for entrusting me with these children, and I hope I'm doing my best by them.  This month has thrown quite a few parenting challenges my way as usual, but I was thankful to be able to share that prayer with Aydan tonight.  (Another cool fact is that it was also his Papa Chemo's birthday tonight; Aydan's middle name is Anselmo who he is named after).

When Aydan was born into this world he arrived only 20 minutes after we getting to the hospital, January 7, 2003.  I literally crawled on the freezing sidewalk in front of the hospital from my Isuzu Trooper to the emergency room, until Chemo could find a wheelchair for me because I was in so much pain.  After they rushed us to the delivery room, the nurses begged me to try to wait for the doctor to arrive.  (The chance for an epidural was not an option, and so of course I was furious...especially since he was over 10 pounds!)  This boy was in a hurry to show up for some reason, but I truly felt God's presence with us that night, and out of some deep instinct I started praying the Lords prayer only minutes before he was born.

He is my first boy and he'll always have a special place in my heart.  He has such an excitement for life, a great sense of humor, and a tender little heart.  He's got a lot of little ideas brewing in his little 8 year old head, and I just hope I'll always have the energy to keep up with him....even if I have to crawl to keep up.

It's probably not a coincidence that I put Hasta La Vista on the back of his football jersey this season.

I've had one thing on my mind all day today, and now it's time I just face the facts:  It is just no longer a possiblity to "suck in", my arms continue to say hello after I'm all done waving, the capris I bought for myself last summer haven't shrunk, and "muffins" are not cute. 
At all.

My suspicions were confirmed a few weeks ago when I made an "appearance" on the scale in the ladies locker room at the gym last week.  Three pounds heavier than last summer.  What in the world.

Here's my week in a tiny microscopic nutshell:  I have run over 15 miles, hiked up a mountain for 3 hours, finished a Firm weight workout twice, moved seventy-five 10 pound bricks from eyelevel on a shelf in Home Depot...to the back of my van...to my parent's backyard....to help make a raised garden bed...which also required shoveling and  moving 10 wheelbarrels full of dirt.  (I seriously LOVE outdoor projects by the way, and secretly wish I was a professional landscaper).  Weeded my backyard and found time to make a mini brick patio in the front of my own house...(thanks to my bro for all the free bricks).  Still made dinners & dishes & laundry, still got the kids to practices & school & church groups, and yet STILL after all this physical activity, no pound has decided to melt off of my body.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit discouraged.  And tired.  Of course I am thankful my body can function and do amazing things, yet the reality is I'm not getting any younger. Or skinnier.  Why if I want to eat Peanut M&M's do they have to stick to me??  I don't like that losing weight usually requires to eat less and work out more.  Ugh.  It's downright exhausting, if not depressing.

And yet, that's what half of the Mom's I know, just know.  No Pain, No Gain.  When I saw a Mom pushing through the rain with her baby in her stroller just to get out and jog last week, I felt I could relate.  Been there.  We do just about anything to squeeze in time for our workouts.  We want to look good.  We want to be healthy.  And we'll jog in the rain if it helps us get there.

I like working out and I like to eat.  Let me rephrase, I like feeling healthy and strong, and I also like to enjoy food....(my favorite food to eat is the kind someone else makes for me).  So sometimes I workout so that I can eat.  And drink.  And it is quite possible that this is the scenario that is secretly backfiring on me, and at this point I pretty much know something needs to change.  So if that somehow requires portion control and giving up on chocolate and carbs for a while, then so be it.  Sigh.

In the movie Eat, Pray and Love, Julia Roberts went out and bought herself "big girl pants".  (Dumb movie anyway).  All I really want is to fit into the jeans I own now...maybe make them a little baggy on me if I'm being completely honest.

Bring on the early morning jogs again.

When I was a kid growing up in Illinois there used to be plenty of weeks, (months), of rainy, wet days that I'd basically have to figure out what to do for the afternoon.  One of my favorite things to do was cozy with a bunch of blankets on the couch and pop in my favorite video and eat a whole bowl of popcorn all by myself.  (It's a "Stamm" thing).

So today in Arizona we are facing an entire Saturday of rain.  Rain is always rare in the desert so we're supposed to enjoy every drop we get, but today it's actually cold enough that snow is sticking to the top of Superstition Mountains again.  Brrr.  I know I will be dreaming of days like this in July when it's 115...but for now, I'm just enjoying the coziness of being trapped inside the house with the kids today.  Since their games have been cancelled, we're going to fill up the whole day with couch lounging, movie watching, popcorn munching, and cookie baking.  (Quite the nice contrast to last Saturday that involved 6 games...in 90 degree temperatures).

When I found Swiss Family Robinson at the library, I had a little "flash from the past" moment, but I knew it would be a great movie to watch with my boys.  They seem to have a lot in common with the youngest boy in that family, Francis...always finding adventure in trouble....(too bad they didn't give him a better name though).  I wasn't sure if the movie was too dated or not, but the boys seemed to get completely mesmerized in the story.  Funny how I still remember most of the lines, and that cute little tiger they trapped in a pit in the ground to scare the pirates away.

Later on this weekend I'll probably find a romantic comedy to enjoy with Lanie, and stay up late with Josie to watch another action thriller...and the boys have been begging to watch Tron. Again.

So movies will probably always be a big part of my family's life, and it's just one way it brings us together once in ahile.  We had the surround system blasting so loud the Fed Ex guy ringing our doorbell couldn't be heard.

Rain, rain, you don't have to go away...
I'll jog off my popcorn and shakes tommorrow anyway.

"I'm all, I'm all, I'm alright.  It's a beautiful day,
and not a cloud in sight, and I guess I'm doing all right. 
Yeah, I guess I'm doin alright"...


"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy"...


"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this emptiness inside me might start healin, out here it's like I'm someone else, I thought that maybe I could find my self.  If I come in I swear I'll leave, won't take nothing but a memory.  From the house that, built me"...


"She grew up, on the side of the road, where the church bells ring, and strong love grows.  She grew up good, she grew up slow,
like american honey"...


"Remember when, the sound of little feet, was a music,
we danced to week to week"...


"I went sky-divin, rocky mountin climbin, I went 2.7 seconds, on a bull named Boomanju, and I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin, I hope someday you get the chance, to live like you were dyin"...

There's just about a country song for every situation in life, and I just love it.  Not all of it, but most of it is so down to earth and it occasionally tugs on my little heartstrings.  My husband doesn't understand why it sometimes makes me cry, and since my kids mostly cannot stand it, one of my favorite times to listen to it is while doing yardwork.  (No one else seems to like to do yardwork at our house either). So today while I was covered in dirt up to my eyelashes from attacking dandelions and battling the leaks in the sprinkler system this afternoon, I heard the funniest song ever on the radio.  I mean ever.  I wish I knew the actual name of it, but the whole song was basically about the "joy" of being a Mom raising teenage daughters. 

Hi, that's me.

Being a mother of teenage girls is fun.  And frustrating.  Exhausting. Confusing. Hilarious. Emotional. Tough.  The exact opposite of boring. Shampoo depriving. Tweezer disappearing. Shirts on the flooring. Shoes "borrowing". Mood swinging. Plans every nighting. Chores arguing. Jokes making. Movie watching. Laughter bringing. Texting. Chocolate. Hairspray. Busy. Busy. Busy. Love it.  Really.

The song I heard today summed it up better than I just did...so once I find it I'll put it up on this blog.

And yeah, I really just wrote a post on country music & teenage daughters...but why not? 

I like both and they each have a way of making me laugh and cry in a 2 minute time span.

I am actually having quite a boring afternoon, but I'm kind of glad since the past two weeks have been quite a whirlwind.  Our newest discovery was actually a first for us: zero dollars in the checking account.  Zero.

So, needless to say, this was a serious wake up call and forced us, (me), to re-evaluate exactly where our dollars have been going...and where they need to stop going.

As I look around the community I know we're not the only ones in a "pinch", and though some haven't been so fortunate, I am pretty sure we'll come out of this alright.  Two words I am most thankful for this season:  tax returns. Two words I am slowly becoming more worried about:  gas prices. 

Surprisingly, finding ways to cut back on our spending hasn't been a burden, it has actually had the reverse effect and helped me to feel more free.  Free from consumerism, debt & the worry of feeling that we will never really have enough stuff....cute Target stuff.  I might need to wear some of the same clothes for a while, but that's a small "sacrifice", (if we'd even call it that), compared to a worse situation that keeps coming through the mail named "bill".  And luckily my girls and I have found ways to raid each other's closets, I mean, share each other's wardrobes.  And tweezers.  And hair conditioner.

I am also always reminded that even the poorest American is probably ten times better off than someone in a 3rd world country right now.  Our home is not under water or taken away by a tornado or tsunami or earthquake and I have never been more thankful for the desert we live in right now...the earth seems to be "groaning" more and more for it's return of it's Creator.  We really have all we need and more: a roof over our head, clothing, our health, employment, and a stocked freezer and pantry that I finally get the chance to feed my family out of for the next few weeks.  And even then, I'm pretty sure we still won't run out of Cheerios or scalloped potatos.  Or cherry coke zero.

Saving money was something I thought I was good at, and times have taken a turn for me to kick those skills into a higher gear...my debit card is also having a stay-cation of it's own as well this month, which has re-inspired to think more creatively of ways to cut corners.  I've even sewed patches on Rylan's ripped jeans, (patches made from another pair of ripped jeans...and then that pair was turned into shorts).  Thriftalicious.  (And he's not even five so he doesn't care yet...and plus, he's a boy.)

Yes times are taking a new turn, and in this whirlwind of change I have been busy figuring out new ways to save. 
I have returned $100 worth of un-needed clothing back to stores, scrounged up items to include in a garage sale, bought less expensive hair products, gave haircuts at home, found free items by matching coupons to ad deals, found free new DVD's at the library, drank more H20, carpooled, and mostly, just quite simply,
stayed home.

Perhaps in less than a few months I will find myself taking an even different path:  employment.  My "stay-at-home" hours might soon need to be cut back, and so I have found myself treating those hours a little more preciously.  My kids aren't so little anymore either, so that will make things go a little easier as well.  I am more than ok with going back to work, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I wasn't just a little nervous about it.

Right now I am surrounded by fifteen 6th grade girls.
Yes, fifteen.

I guess I'm not exactly surrounded...I've escaped upstairs and I can hear them all downstairs laughing up a storm about something.  I've done my duties of serving a 4 course "fiesta" dinner, lit the candles on the cake, organized the pinata "rules", and allowed the loud music to continue...so I figured at this point I really only need to make an appearance every 20 minutes or so.  I'm just hoping they aren't spraying silly string on each other or smearing hot pink frosting in each others faces anymore....or playing tag near my rose bushes. 

But it's all good.  6th grade girls are easily entertained, and my daughter Lanie has a fun group of friends.  It's been fun for me to just sit back and observe their silliness, wittiness, and laughter.  What fun it would be to be 12 again....not too little, and not in jr. high yet. 
Pigtails, braids, dresses, pink, princesses,
dressup, bows, dolls, dance classes.

Where did those times go?

They still dress up.  And when they do, they are always beautiful princesses.  I love my girls.  This is the one week I can't think of one without the other since their birthdays are literally 3 days apart, and it's been a long, but fun week of celebrations.

My visit with my friends in North Carolina was so chillax.  (I wanted to use this word I heard Lanie say to me today and I'm not sure I can quite pull it off)...but what I'm trying to say is that it was so nice to just chill.  And relax.

The best part of my trip wasn't just that I got to hang with my chica's...but it was also the perfect escape from any kind of plan, agenda, or schedule that comes with all the non-stop busyness of our hood...(the mother-hood).  ;)

A girls getaway was just what I needed....my soul just needed to be around a bunch of really good Mom's...Sweet.  Encouraging.  Godly.  Honest.  Twizzler-loving and Real.

Instead of a hotel, we all actually stayed in my friend's Mom's house....so it kind of felt like a flash back to our highschool sleepover days.  Her mom has a cheerful and welcoming spirit; she loves to laugh and smile when she's talking to you, and for years she has reminded me of Snow White.  Not only did she cook us some delicious white chicken chili, but one of the first things she said when we arrived was that she wanted us to be as comfortable as possible and to make ourselves at home.  She already had my day made when I saw their fridge stocked with Cherry Coke Zero!  And when we went to see where we'd be sleeping, she had put together a cute little "goody" basket in our room overflowing with valentine candy, granola bars, and snacks!!

And so I got to thinking, (I just can't help it), there were a lot of my friends Mom's that have influenced me over the years, in lots of different little ways.  Each Mom had their own style from their cooking, music, clothes, birthday parties, home decorating, hair-styles, cleaning, fashion, driving speed....

And I got to thinking some more....my kids have a lot of friends they bring over here and what will they remember me for?  My pot roast and grilled cheese sandwiches?

It's humbling to know there are other people's kids observing me.  I just hope that when they think back on me someday that they would remember me  from the days when I was in a good mood, and that I wasn't permanently attached to my vacuum cleaner.

I hope they would remember that my door was always open for them, and that they could just come over and chillax.