Vida. Risa. Amor.

I had a really good race day today. There is nothing like the feeling of the satisfaction you get from meeting a goal you set for yourself. I knew after Halloween trying to pull off another 26.2 miles and trying to find time to train was going to be close to impossible during the holidays, so I set out for doing 13.1 instead. I'll admit I had a few dull training days here and there, and many of my runs longer than 6 miles a little boredom started to set in, but in the end it was all worth the effort. "The pain is temporary, the pride is forever"...in other words, I basically kept telling myself to suck it up, my acheing toes could rest tommorrow! It would have been great to have had a buddy to run with as I did in the Chicago Marathon in 08 with my good friend Nicole, (who has known me since age 10)....but the farther along I got into the training I knew I had to see if I could do this for myself. Thirteen is a special number for me this year as it's the same amount of years I've been a mother and have been married. If someone would have asked me 13 years ago how I would imagine myself to be like today, I don't think I would have guessed I'd be attempting half or even full marathons! I saved a few thoughts to think of each mile...mile 1: my first year of everything, becoming a Mom, getting married, starting a home. Mile 3: I thought of when Lanie was born and the fun it was to dress up my two girls. Mile 7: Aydan and the new joy of having a baby boy. Mile 9 during the race was very difficult! It was mostly up a huge hill and I thought of when we welcomed Rylan to the family....(wonder if the hill was significant there). I didn't forget the requested boxing moves and booty shakes for miles 9 through 13, although my booty can basically shake all on it's own these days. I was too chicken to bust out a kung-fu panda move, but I did consider it after a marine man was shouting "COME ON!" at everyone or himself...still not sure...but it worked since I pushed myself to finish strong. My 2 hour 17 minute finish time was a better time than the goal I set for myself...in fact it was exactly 13 minutes less! It was such a relief to find my family at the finish line among the thousands of people and to have them all support me in that moment. I haven't thought about what the next goal or challenge for running will be for me, but I'm thinking to keep it under 13 miles for a while. I still have all my toenails this time, and they sure need a break from kicking assphault!

I have four kids and it's funny how I tend to get more overwhelmed with issues with my 1st and 4th....my oldest and youngest. But I have 2 middle kids, Aydan age 7 and Lanie at age 10, that are just as amazing. Lanie makes me laugh every single day. I'm not very good at describing her humor, but she is absolutely hilarious. She could literally win an award for it I think. I had her washing the dinner dishes last night and she seemed to want to drain the whole salt river, so I took over while she dried. When she get's in her "coconine voice"....(it's a mix of what Mrs. Kowalski from Monster's Inc. sounds like....and for a lack of better description...a special needs kid). She likes to repeat things over and over and anything I tell her to do, she's like, "nope, sorry, Mom....uh-uh....no way...can't do it..."...it can just go on and on. She ended it last night by making herself laugh super hard by shouting...."I'm goin to a western town....hoooo-eeey!!" And it's not just her voice that's hilarious, it's her face. I need to get it on video soon. She's my best companion for a romantic comedy movie and loves to keep me thinking hard about how to answer questions like, "How do we know that God is really real?" She's so beautiful and I love how she can joke about her eye-brows....her doctor even told her they're "fancy"...I miss the days of braiding her hair in matching barrettes and bows, but I know she'll be giving me tips on how to style my own hair soon.

My second middle man, is my first-born boy Aydan who just turned 7 this week. He just started learning football with his buddies and since his team was "the Cardinal's", and because we've recently become a fan of the AZ Cardinal's out here, that was the theme of his party. (I love easy themes!) We rented a jumpy thing for his party, bought hot-dogs and 30 Cardinal's cupcakes from Sams, had a football pinata, blasted up the music, and that was enough to make a super fun party for 1st graders. I "forgot" to plan games and that was Aydan's only complaint, so I'll have to do better next time I guess...(hello! they wouldn't even listen to me to keep on the grass during the pinata smacking!!) They were also easily entertained by pounding on the teenagers hanging around too. He has some super sweet moments too: like the other night he wanted to watch The Biggest Loser with me and he got really upset for the Mom who fell on her nose during the challenge. He has such a sweet heart and I love when he hugs my legs when I'm doing the dishes, and looks up and says, "I just love you Mom." He would play Indiana Jones Legos Wii all day if I let him, but 1st grade demands a lot of reading practicing so we've gotten to spend a lot of one on one time doing that. He loves to joke, poke, and laugh and he loves to draw it out from me too. I'm challenged each day to try and be the best kind of Mommy I can be for each of them....and laughter is my favorite kind of reminder.

I like New Years. There's always the hope that there's somehow a way to be able to make the new one better than the last one. I've been stuck in some kind of funk for the past few months and though I'm almost getting my thoughts organized on it all, I can kind of feel like I'm coming out of it....I can't describe it any other way. We watched a lot of movies over Christmas break and I grabbed a little quote from one of them, (of course I cannot remember which one)...

"Focus on who you are being, not on who you want to be"...

I'm not going to sugar coat it: I've had a lot of meltdowns. The shut-myself-in-my closet kind of sobfests. Feelings of insignificance, loneliness, boredom, frustration, and fatigue seemed to have just bombarded me. I'm hoping it was just a bad case of the "winter-blues". When I didn't know now how to answer the question: "What do I like to do for fun?" I got a little freaked out. So I'm kind of just deciding that it doesn't really matter if I can answer that...I actually like to do a lot of different things.

I know I tend to overanalyze things, so it's probably been a good thing that I've kept busy "organizing" Christmas, New Years, 2 birthday's, presents, cakes, new toys, and decorations....because I really like celebrations and making things feel "festive".

I'm running a half marathon in 6 days....which has turned out to be a darn good thing because I've probably needed the extra dose of endorphins. I'm totally ready. Last year I might have felt I was "spread out too thin"....this year I hope to just be content no matter what the circumstances are.

I also hope that when I blog I don't have to hit the delete button every two seconds.

In an attempt to sum up 2009, I'm making it as a rhyme...
not sure if it's going to work, but I used to do it all the time.

In January we drove to Flagstaff to find snow and let the kids play,
shoveled up some snow and brought some back for Aydan's birthday.
Chemo turned 39 and shared a cake with Aydan turning 6,
a soccer tournament in Tucson, was good for a lot of "kicks".

February brought girlscout cookies, and going to more soccer games,
I made the kids pose for pictures, so I could update all my frames.

We took the kids to parks in March and watched movies once in a while,
Birthdays, Disneyland, and cousins moving nearby made us all smile.
Josie invited 26 people to her unicorn-guitar-hero-jump-jump-13th-bash,
Lanie's 10th was cupcake decorating, pinata-breaking, treasure-hunting dash.

....to be continued soon...

I think God granted me my Christmas wish of "quiet" around mile 6 of my 12 mile jog this morning as the battery of my mp3 player died. So with no music, I needed any distraction so I decided to figure out what I'd write about in my next blog. The idea actually came to me last night on Christmas as we were all snuggled up watching a movie together. Chemo had Josie wrapped up in a cozy bear hug with their heads on my lap as we were reminiscing what our first Christmas with her was like 13 years ago...

It was our first trip to Mexico. I cannot verbally tell this story with out crying, and I'm sure I'll require tissues in writing it down. I think I was only 22 at the time, and Chemo and I had just gotten married the month before Christmas. Chemo's Mom was very sick and his sisters were urging him to come to his family's home in Mexico as fast as he could get there. Somehow our travel plans got mixed up and we had to stay in a hotel by the airport so we could travel the next morning...through middle of the night phone calls Chemo knew things were getting worse.

When we arrived in Mexico City we were picked up by Chemo's uncle and maybe 8 other family members that would all be traveling in the same vehicle for 5 hours to his home town in Ciudad Hidalgo. I was nursing Josie at the time so privacy was limited to the front seat between his uncle and Chemo. After the hussle of getting out of the airport I hadn't had a chance to use the bathroom so I was offered to find a bush maybe 20 feet off of the road. The sun was in our eyes for most of the 5 hour drive through through the hills and crowded towns and driving behind semi-trucks and buses made the air smell of diesel fuel. After about 3 hours of driving and a real bathroom stop, (though the toilets have no lids and you have to bring your own toilet paper), my newly introduced niece informed me of some devastating news. I understood enough spanish to learn that Chemo's Mom had passed away in the night and that they weren't going to tell Chemo until he got home and they wanted me to not say anything. I was faced with a sad reality that I was never going to meet my mother-in-law, and she wasn't going to be able to meet her grand-daughter named after her, and my husband, her 8th "baby" son, was going to be heart broken for not being able to say good-bye.

The moment we drove on the street of his mother's home, they stopped the car and told Chemo what had happenned. My heart broke for him in a thousand pieces as he tore out of the car calling out for his Mom trying to get in the house through the crowd of people that were gathered there. I almost started walking down the street since I didn't exactly know where to go, but a man who I recognized should be Chemo's brother greeted me and Josie with a hug and gestured for us to come inside.

It wasn't very often that a "gringa" came to town and I think I attracted a lot of curious attention. Introductions were eventually made and I was greeted by each and every one of my nieces and nephews and sisters and brother-in-laws with sweet kisses on my cheeks. Out of respect I never laid my eyes on my mother-in-law as I didn't want to remember her that way. I was thankful that I had been able to talk to her the day after we married. Though the days were filled with funeral preparations and catholic prayers and endless friends, family, and neighbors in the home, it was still Christmas and Chemo's sisters made a huge effort to make sure that wasn't overlooked. They loved our baby Josephina and there were never an empty set of arms to hold her.

13 years later, our baby girl halfway grown up, it was a sweet sight to see her wrapped up snugly in her Daddy's arms on the night of Christmas. When she sleeps, her long eyelashes still fall on her cheeks so beautifully.

...the best gifts for Christmas are when you're spending time with the ones you love.

I can't write. GI Joe is playing on our new blue-ray DVD while my boys take turns jumping off the coffee table to the couch. My mind is and has been on overload. I've been second guessing myself all day with issues with my kids. How much texting is too much for a 13 year old? Do we have enough milk to last for the next two days? Do I spend enough time with them? Are some of these PG13 movies corrupting their minds? Should I sit and practice reading with Aydan instead of letting him play another game of Wii? Did I tell them I love them lately? I've been to CVS, the gas station, Walmart twice, ordered a birthday bouncy thing online, to Safeway, The Elephant Bar with the kids to visit Chemo, the mall, dropped the kids back home, and then back out again to deliver a meal to a good friend. Why am I out in the chaotic stores two days before Christmas? I'd rather be sipping hot chocolate and looking out my window at a backyard filled with snow. Simpler times. I'm waiting for that "Christmas spirit" to sink in any time now. If only I could just be still and have quiet for a few minutes...

I love the moments after a chaotic experience when you can finally sit around and laugh with everyone involved and reanalyze the craziness that had happened. The other day I was out with 3 good friends who refer ourselves as "the preschool mom's", (since we all met a few years ago during the time our now 1st graders were in preschool together...and we joke that our kids will be teenagers together someday, and we'll still call each other the preschool mom's). So I was out with these 3 fun people to see New Moon since it was 2 of them which recommended that I read the Twilight books in the first place, (best book suggestion ever!!) After about 20 minutes into the movie I got a panicky phone call from Josie. I was only on the phone for a few seconds and I thought she was telling me that Rylan was choking and couldn't breathe...so she quickly hung up as she told me she was calling 911. As I'm left stunned in the hallway of the theater with my heart pounding out of my chest thinking Rylan couldn't breathe and not being able to breathe much myself, I knew I had to get home. I needed to move, run, scream...but my brain came back on, and I asked to borrow my friends keys and tried to drive as calmly as a Mom of a choking 3 year old could possibly go. Of course it was the day that every snow bird in Arizona was driving in front of me with shoppers from the mall chatting in the middle of the parking lot. After my 90th call back to home on my cell phone, a fireman answered and told me not to worry or speed, and that it was just that my son had a bead up his nose.

He was breathing. He. had. a. bead. stuck. up. his. nose.
Thank you firemen. Thank you God.

So I didn't have to speed like a maniac for the last 2 miles home and when I finally got home my son was sitting on the couch with a plastic fireman hat on, clutching a home-made teddy bear they gave him, surrounded by probably 10 very tall & good-looking firemen staring at him along with my daughter and her friends, my Mom and some neighbors. With all 55 of us waiting in my living room for that bead to get out, and a few suggestions of using tweezers, I tried to bribe him with his sippy cup of milk and blue ni-ni and after a couple of brave blows it finally came out. My teenage daughter and her 2 friends were so relieved, and the fireman were able to go back to work. Before they left, they let the kids check out their truck and asked what Rylan was going to name his bear, so I suggested we name him Bead, which gave us all a good laugh.

I guess it's pretty likely that most kids eventually stick something up their nose, and it's better that it wasn't a cinnamon red tic tac like I had done at that age, (which burned!) Looking back I'm thankful for a lot: That Josie called for help and had friends over for support, that I have Mom friends that have been there and can help me laugh about our kids, that there are goodlooking firemen...I mean that fireman come to our rescue quickly, that I had makeup on and cleaned my house that morning, that I had already seen New Moon twice already, that I got a chance to drive a super awesome car and didn't crash under the circumstances, and that Rylan is fine and wasn't in a worse situation that I don't even want to imagine.

Oh yeah, and the beads are well out of reach and hidden now.